If you were in the Portland area around 3:45 AM last night I'd really appreciate if you'd answer for me the following questions.
a.) What exactly happened?
b.) Did any cops show up?
c.) Did anyone (i.e the cops) saw me running away with my shirt pulled up into a sort of turban to hide my face?
d.) Is the girl on the floor next to me with orange hair and a tattoo of a bar code on her neck eighteen? And does she have chlaymidia? Because I am not dealing with that again.
Would you mind picking me up? I'm at a co-op in the Southern Eastern-ish Portland area.
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